#22: friendsgiving and the holiday sprint
gobble gobble & fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Friendsgiving started in a college dorm in 2019 and has transformed over the last 5 years. It has carried me and my friends through college, COVID, losing loved ones, new jobs, moving in and out of apartments, transitioning from roomies to besties, really everything in between. It’s a time to share little pieces of our family’s traditions, and adopt new traditions that we know better than to bring to our own family thanksgivings (looking at you, 99 mango shots and scream singing karaoke into late hours of the night).
In a way, Friendsgiving has felt oddly familiar to the Thanksgivings I knew growing up. The holiday wasn’t just reserved for immediate family. My grandparents were known to have a cast of characters join the table from many walks of life.
Sometimes we’d be joined by Jeff, my grandparents’ favorite server at a local restaurant. Or Craig-o, who gave the kids a dollar to venture out to the garage to fetch a beer. My grandmother’s friend, Miss Evie, would help the kids make whipped cream. Half of the whipped cloud would be missing before dessert was served. Miss Kathryn, a saint among us in the body of a retired French teacher, would make buttered carrots and harass my brother about his French proficiency. My grandfather’s best friend, also named Bill, swore like a sailor and told the kids to cover their ears before laying out 10 consecutive f-bombs. It made for many entertaining dinners each year.
As a grown person, I am so grateful every year to host my own version of Thanksgiving with my closest friends and our own cast of characters. Everyone’s lives are constantly shifting and we are once again facing not-so-unprecedented times with a garbage fire entering the oval office in January. Having this tradition in DC truly only motivates me more to check in on and support my people.
That’s enough sappy reflection for me. Let’s move onto the nuts and bolts of the event. Even though we’re past Thanksgiving, there are transferrable tips in this recap that you can use for your next large gathering throughout the holiday season.
Stats
3 very delusional, type-A hosts
$420 budget
19 people total
22 dishes
6(?) grocery stores
20+ bottles of wine
Menu
22 dishes might seem like a lot and borderline unhinged. That is actually a paired down version of what we’ve done in the past. We do not follow the light appetizers rule. Snacking involves many mayo-based dips that can be made ahead and puff pastry apps that go in the oven after the turkey comes out around 5:00pm. The three of us had a chaotic fall travel schedule so we decided to prioritize our favorite snacks and staple beige foods that everyone expects.
Apps: Our dip trio of caramelized onion dip, spinach dip from a Knorr’s veggie soup mix packet, and hummus with thanksgiving chili crunch covers the wide range of dietary limitations without feeling sad. For snackable bites we have platters of bacon wrapped goat cheese stuffed dates, cocktail weenies, deviled eggs, prosciutto egg puffs, and a pickle plate as a palate cleanser. See the decor section for notes about the chex mix.
Mains: Our buffet has all the classics like the 18lb turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, cornbread, and stuffing. This year, we decided we needed more greens at the table: something stewed and something fresh to keep it interesting. Two newcomers were surprise hits this year: collard greens & ham and a shredded brussels and kale salad.
Desserts: By the end of the meal, our guests are usually too full/inebriated for dessert, but we still provide a few options including turkey cookies, olive oil salted brownies, and apple crisp.
Bevs! Guests bring wine to keep the party going, and for additional guidance we send wines recs that go well with beige holiday foods. Any leftover funds in our budget is used for more booze. For batch cocktails, we made a quick bourbon apple cider cocktail and in honor of her recent cookbook and incredible Netflix documentary, Martha Stewart’s boozy red wine sangria.
Decor
Table elements: All great parties start with a Pinterest board. We wanted to cultivate a warm, playful vibe with some elegant components. Thanks to a butcher paper table cover and little flutes with colored pencils, our guests could doodle throughout dinner and we could cover the table without plastic tablecloths. Adding in colorful glass candlesticks matched the vibrant look we were going for, and brought some height, dimension, and a little *danger* to the party. As for seating, we always make the seating chart the night before. With nearly 20 people, it takes a lot of shifting before you find the right balance.
Greenery: The centerpiece of greenery runs in a U across our three conjoined folding tables. Bringing something alive to the table without spending an arm and a leg on florals is a tall order. For supplies, I go to Meridian Hill Park the Friday morning before to not-so-discretely collect unwieldly vines and magnolia leaves to fill out a garland. It continues to be the most humbling task of the process. It’s not illegal, it’s just urban foraging. That greenery combined with some adorable straw pumpkins, homemade dried orange slices (also good for holiday decor), and mini disco balls meld traditional with a pop of trendy.
More snacks: But why not do more? Another way to welcome your guests is to incorporate snacks into the tablescape. To cover up any gaps in the garland, we scatter tiny glass bowls of homemade chex mix which feels so nostalgic, and is a sneaky way to have a carb continuously available as the wine continues to flow.
Personal touches: Once we weren’t living in basement apartments, we accounted for party favors in our budget. Last year, we designed matchbooks with an Etsy seller, and this year, we labelled little hot cocoa tins which felt appropriately timed because it is now freezing in DC. Last but not least, I make mini turkey sugar cookies as a nod to my mom who has been making stunning turkey cookie name cards for our family’s Thanksgiving every year. And yes, the recipe is from Martha, too.
Prep
Shopping list: Once we finalize every menu item, we transfer everything into a spreadsheet. The Excel is organized by each ingredient in each recipe, amount needed, price per item, which then calculates a total estimated budget for us to work with. We cross check repeating items and review what to buy in bulk. It’s not a perfect process, but it works for us. Usually this averages out to $20pp which we ask everyone to Venmo to confirm their seat + our own contributions. Then we take care of the rest!
Grocery shopping: After listing out all ingredients, we strategize on grocery stores. We spend hours researching sales, price per pound of turkey, and consider produce quality. Here are some budgeting considerations for stores near you:
Giant: Cheapest items that you need in bulk like bags of potatoes and onions. They also had a great sale on massive post-Halloween pumpkins that we turned into ice buckets. Also cheapest for pantry items like sugar, flour, stocks, broths. We also grabbed mayo and sour cream here for our various dips and apps.
Trader Joe’s: Always the cheapest herbs and largest quantity per package. However, not always the best quality and you have to purchase closer to the big day. Best for hearty produce like kale, brussels, celery, citrus. Always the cheapest garlic and meats and cheeses like prosciutto and gruyere. Cheapest puff pastry for $4.99 a box, butter for $3.99 a box, and 8oz of cream cheese for $1.99.
Whole Foods: Go here for quality produce that you need to last through the week, maybe Wednesday night before your Saturday dinner. Also the spot for all of your gluten free guests’ needs.
Harris Teeter: Our shining star. Always has name brands that you need especially for the chex mix, and all the random odds and ends in between. We procured an 18lb bird for under $20, ham hock for the collard greens, and the vegetable soup mix for the spinach dip.
Food prep: After collecting all of our ingredients we make a collective to do list for the week in a shared notes app. I always do the cookies as early as possible as they are a harrowing experience every time, involving a significant amount of swearing and sometimes tears. I make the chex mix, hummus, chili crunch, spinach dip, and mashed potatoes in the days leading up. The key to pulling this off is doing as much prep ahead of time. My partners in crime handle the rest at the apartment where we host the dinner. You want to do as little cooking as possible on the day you’re hosting.
Big day: Before the day starts, we have a shared notes app with an hour by hour schedule based on how long the turkey needs. We work backwards from a 6:00pm start time to give us a 2-hour buffer before dinner in case we had any delays. We start the day early with setting the table. Don’t forget to record a time lapse :) Setting the table early gives us a realistic idea of how much space we have to place all of our apps. We then label every single plate for each dish and their corresponding serving utensil to avoid confusion and last-minute scrambling. We then take the afternoon to assemble the drink station, any last minute grocery runs, review the playlist, and assemble any apps to go in the oven. We had a *slight* hiccup with the oven giving out towards the end of the bird cooking and needed to cook some apps in my oven a few blocks down the street. But that’s why you build in that buffer! Right before guests come over, we go over what apps can be replenished and the desired seating time. We also set aside the space for dishes that need to heat on the stove top so no one blocking that off. After all of that is set, we have a little *pre-service* toast and let the night begin!
Friendsgiving is one of the best holidays of the year. It can be scaled up or down depending on your resources. Don’t let a big gathering or budget scare you away from having a great party. It can be done! If you ever want to strategize, you know where to find me.
GIFTING!
With a late Thanksgiving, it feels like there is no break in holidays. Even holiday shopping last weekend felt late! These are a few ideas for the favorite host in your life if you’re in a pinch with shipping delays:
Stocking stuffers
Fill their utensil drawer with the nice to haves: mini electric whisk for lattes, an offset spatula for a baker, an oven thermometer, basting or pastry brushes, a new microplane, the options are endless!
Salts! Jacobsen and Maldon are classics in cute packaging that fits well in limited space. Maybe throw in a salt cellar.
Spices! Diaspora Co is on Amazon and sells beautifully fragrant and responsibly sourced spices from India. Their hot cocoa would be a great pick.
Under $50
Anthropologie juice glasses: The girlies have been losing their minds over these on Tik Tok. Love that you can mix and match or find a matching set.
For the utilitarian in your life, get them some really good prep sheets for mise en place. Nordic Ware is a classic brand, Great Jones is a fun modern option.
It’s soup season. Save your friends from transferring hot liquid into a blender and get them an immersion blender.
$50+
If your host is constantly proposing oysters for happy hour, they will be thrilled by this personal oyster platter. Add in an oyster knife for good measure.
Dusen Dusen pepper grinder or a pair of oven mitts could bring a fun pop of color to their kitchen.
GO BIG! Get them a beautifully crafted donabe, a Japanese ceramic pot that gently steams food to perfection. Ideal for low effort, cozy winter cooking. The site also has many other lower price point options for Japanese kitchen supply products.
Some more local and sustainable ideas:
DC holiday markets are in full swing. Marcella Kriebel’s adorable prints, napkins, and designs of different food patterns pop-up at most of these markets. I just picked up gifts from her stall at the downtown holiday market last night!
Who doesn’t love more glassware? Gift a thrifted set of vintage glasses and maybe a mini of a favorite liquor or a non-alcoholic option like Ghia.
Bold Fork Books is an independent cookbook store in Mount Pleasant with something for everyone - also a few fun hosting picks like linens, aprons, and cutlery. Pick up a copy of Bodega Bakes from pastry chef with Paola Velez who is currently leading the pastry program at the new Bar Providencia in NE.
Choose a few fun snacks like tinned fish, olive oil, vinegars, or a bottle of wine for your favorite home chef at Nido, conveniently located right by Bold Fork Books.
Cooking after the holidays can feel exhausting, get them a gift card to their favorite restaurant to support in January - a notoriously slow month for the industry.
That’s all I have for this month’s newsletter! Thank (x million) for reading and supporting my writing. I’m grateful to have this space to gush about budget hosting, home cooking, dining out, and recent travels with you all!
BIG NEWS!
I cannot wait to share more updates about an incredibly exciting trip coming up through the new year! I won’t be back from that trip until mid-January, so our first-week newsletter cadence is going to fall off. Expect the next newsletter to be fully dedicated to that trip and in your inbox by the end of January.
Follow me on Instagram to see what I’ll be up to in the meantime, and ride along on those trip updates. I think you all are going to like it a whole lot :)